If Only You Knew
by winn-chan
Summary: A OkiKagu fic. Kagura falls and gets amnesia. Okita realizes that he loves China and cannot lose her. After the incident, Okita decides to act on his feelings, hoping Kagura would return them. Disclaimer: Gintama belongs to Sorachi-sensei
1. Jealousy

**If Only You Knew**

Kagura woke up with bright rays of sunlight glaring through the window. She looked around at the unfamiliar surroundings. There was a white ceiling and a strong smell of antiseptic. Also, her head was throbbing.

She was about to move her hand when she felt there was some weight on it.

The Yato curiously peered down to see that someone had fallen asleep while holding her hand. The boy had straw-coloured hair that framed his face. He had a soft expression. He wore a white dress shirt, unbuttoned slightly with a black vest adorned with gold hems. She tilted her head a little more and saw there was blood on his sleeve. Now she can see that the jacket hanging on the chair also had blood on it.

Realization had suddenly hit her and she drew her hand back quickly, causing Okita to stir.

He slowly sat back up.

"Oi, China. You're finally awake," the boy said while he groggily rubbed his eyes.

He glanced at her and was surprised to see that she looked shocked.

"China, what's wrong? Are you mad at me for touching your hand while you were in a coma?" the boy smirked. It wasn't everyday that he saw Kagura wide-eyed.

"Wha-Who are you? What are you doing here? Where's Gin-chan?"

His eyes stared at her, with hurt reflecting from them for a brief second. _It was always Gin-chan this, Gin-chan that… How annoying._

"Your sense of humour is quite bad," the boy replied in his usual deadpanned voice.

"..I-If you don't leave, I.. I'm going to call the police!"

"I _am_ the police, China. Quit playin-"

Kagura grabbed her head with both hands and screamed with all her might. Tears began to roll down her cheeks as she shut her eyes tightly, shouting "Gin-chan, where are you? I'm scared, Gin-chan..."

Nurses and doctors began to file in swiftly and asked Okita to leave. It was now Okita's turn to be shocked.

He waited in the hall with his Shinsengumi jacket in his hand. _China's just messing around. There's no way she could have amnesia. I mean she's a Yato, the strongest race in the universe. They heal at an extremely fast rate. There's no way she would have …amnesia, right? I mean, we were just fighting on the roof and she lost her footing and fell. She couldn't have gotten amnesia. No, she must be joking with me. Ah, I guess my sadistic ways have rubbed off onto her. Yeah, that must be it!_ _Haha, what a good prank! Almost got me there, China. I won't fall for it._

The doctor came out and said, "Kagura seems to have selective amnesia. She still remembers who she is and what day it is, but some parts of her memory are blurry."

_Selective amnesia? Is there even such a thing? _Okita thought to himself. He can't help but be frustrated. His sworn rival who could keep up with him in jan-ken-pon at the sakura-viewing festival has forgotten about him?

He didn't even know when his feet started to take him down the hall towards the exit. He felt sick to his stomach for some reason. Something about China forgetting him made him feel somewhat… empty. Like he's not wanted.

He'll never admit it openly, but he did feel a tinge of jealousy burning inside of him as her voice rang out in the hall, her desperate pleas calling for the silver-haired samurai.


	2. Flashback

Okita was making his rounds as usual on the west side of Edo. It was extremely boring. He decided to slack off and headed towards the park.

He saw a figure sitting on the bench he usually naps on. Walking closer, he sees it was a girl with orange hair and two black bun coverings. A smirk slowly formed across his face. Perfect. Now the entertainment can begin.

"Oi, China," a deadpanned voice called out to Kagura. She didn't even need to turn around to know who it was.

The girl looked up in surprise. Her blue orbs then narrowed.

"What do you want, you bastard! Can't I have some peace around here?"

"Ah, what are you doing at the park alone this late at night? Are you trying to abduct unsuspecting children? Didn't you know they only come out during the day?"

"What the hell is wrong with your head, you freaking sadist? Why would I, a cute little girl, abduct children?" she fumed.

He knew how to push her buttons.

"A cute little girl? Ha, who has been telling you lies, China? An alien is not cute."

"_Oh, he's going to get it,"_ Kagura thought. Her blue eyes flashed dangerously.

And that is exactly what Okita Sougo wanted.

Kagura began to throw punches towards Okita. He drew his sword.

"Ah ah, attacking a police officer. I can arrest you for that, China"

"SHUT UP, YOU SADIST!"

The fighting did not last long in the park. Soon they were fighting on the street. Okita made a swift jump onto a railing then onto the roof and Kagura followed closely behind.

"Are you trying to run away? Are you scared of the Queen of Kabuki district now? Haha, you must be! You're so weak you have to run away from a girl!" Kagura taunted.

Okita felt anger rising up inside of him. _Damn China girl._ _She knew how to push my buttons, too._

Okita turned around and faced Kagura. He dashed towards her, his sword ready to slice her flapping mouth.

Kagura stepped back but lost her footing. She soon disappeared off the rooftop. A thud was heard.

Okita stopped his attack midway and straightened his stance. _This could be a trap. She is probably hanging onto the side of the roof. I better check carefully. _

His kept his guard up. To his surprise, there was no sign of Kagura hanging. Instead, he saw her sprawled on the ground, unconscious.

He jumped down and landed beside her in one swift motion. He kicked her gently on the side. No reaction.

"Pfft, unconscious already. You're no fun—"

He suddenly saw red fluid spilling out of the side of her head.

His brown eyes widened in surprise. "Oh shi—" He panicked and picked her up and carried her to the Shinsengumi police car. He drove full speed towards the Oedo hospital. Everything was too surreal.

"Kagura, hang in there," Okita mumbled.

* * *

Okita paced around. He hated hospitals. The white walls, the familiar disinfectant smell, all of this reminded him of his late sister.

He stared at the operation light. It has been on for an hour now. He took of his jacket. There was Kagura's blood on it. His eyes shone with remorse. If only he didn't pick on her… He stopped pacing around and sat down.

After two hours of operation, finally the doctor came out of the operation room.

"How is she, doctor?" Okita asked, getting up from the seat.

"She's fine. She is still unconscious. She would have to be at the hospital for a couple of weeks."

"_Thank God,"_ Okita thought. "_Wait a minute… 'Thank God?' What the heck? Am I actually worried about China?"_ He shook his head. "_No no, I am worried about what kind of report I need to write because of this stupid girl. God, all that paperwork… Hijikata-san is going to kill me if he finds out what really happened."_

He walked into Kagura's room. There she laid in bed with bandages on her head. She looked so peaceful. Her pale face did not have the usual scowl that she showed him. She almost looked… pretty.

His hand slowly entwined with hers. It was small and soft. Soon he felt his eyelids droop. He put on his trademark eyemask and decided to rest his head on the edge of the hospital bed.

* * *

"OI, SOUGO! ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?"

Okita snapped out of his thoughts. "Huh? Oh, Hijikata-san. I didn't notice you were here," Okita used his usual deadpanned voice.

Hijikata's temple vein popped. "We are in a meeting. Of COURSE I am here! I am the one who is hosting it!"

The man with jet-black hair cleared his throat and continued with the meeting.

"There was a case where Kagura fell off the roof. Now Sougo, you said you found her unconscious. But I think your report is a little flawed. Can you tell us what really happened? Were you taunting her again? Do you know how your actions can damage the image of the Shinsengumi?"

Hijikata walked up to Sougo and picked him by his collar.

"You bastard. If our image goes further down the drain, I will make you commit seppuku."

Okita's eyes averted to the ground.

"…Sorry," the boy mumbled.

Hijikata looked surprise and dropped him back down.

"Ah, Sougo, a lot has happened so just take the rest of today off."

"KONDO-SAN! You can't just simply let him off the hook!" Hijikata interjected. "That brat cannot be spoiled any further! A punishment is in order!"

Okita quietly mumbled, "Excuse me," and left the room.

"OI SOUGO! I AM NOT DONE WITH YOU! YOU LITTLE BRAT! COME BACK HERE!"

"Leave him be, Toshi." Kondo said. "That boy hasn't even tried to kill you after coming back from his night rounds. I think Sougo needs some time alone."

* * *

Okita changed into his sleeping clothes and lied on his bed. It had been a long night. He searched for his eyemask.

"Che. I can't find it. Guess I lost it."

Sighing, he puts one arm over his eyes and tries to sleep.

* * *

At the hospital, Kagura woke up and saw Gin-chan and Shinpachi beside her bed.

"GIN-CHAN! I MISSED YOU!" She jumped up and hugged the silver-haired samurai. "There was someone creepy holding my hand when I first woke up. I was so scared! I am so glad you're here!"

"Someone creepy? I think you mean Okita-san, right?" Shinpachi asked, holding up the red eye mask.

"Oh? Soichiro-kun left his eye mask here huh? He must've left hurriedly if he has forgotten something this important." A smirk formed on Gintoki's face.

"Gin-san, I think his name is Sougo," Shinpachi corrects him.

"Eh, but I swear his name is Yagami Soichiro!" Gintoki still argued.

While the two Yorozuya members were arguing, Kagura recalls the scene of her meeting with Okita a moment ago. When she asked him who he was, she could have sworn he had a look of pain, even if it was just for a fleeting moment.

"So, who is Okita Sougo?" Kagura asked the two men.

They stopped their bickering and stared at Kagura.

"Oi oi, Kagura. Don't tell me you forgot the sadist?" Gintoki said.

"Sadist? He's a sadist?" Kagura had a look of disgust on her face.

Gintoki ruffled his hair a bit before lazying replying, "Ah, looks like you really forgot huh. Well yeah, he is kind of a sadist. You guys always fight and stuff."

"Like every single day," Shinpachi added.

Kagura's eyebrows furrowed as she held the red eye mask.

Somehow, she felt kind of bad for this sadist.


	3. Hurt

Kondo, although he looks and acts like a gorilla, knew that Kagura meant a lot to Sougo. And he knew Sougo well enough to know how he feels about the Yato forgetting him.

Kondo knew that Sougo actually enjoyed Kagura's company and often picks on her so she would pay attention to him. The stubborn young Shinsengumi member never had a close friend and always put up a cool front in front of the other members. Ever since Mitsuba's death, he had notice Sougo picked on the China girl more often.

Right now, it must be like a replay of his late sister to him. Kondo knew the boy did not like Hijikata because it felt as if the black-haired man had taken away the attention his sister gave him.

Even now, Kondo admits that he has somewhat paid more attention to Hijikata than Sougo. And basically Kagura was the only one who has not failed to give him her full attention when they meet.

Now that Kagura's in this state, Sougo must feel like he has been abandoned all over again.

* * *

A few weeks later, Kagura was released from the hospital and Otose and even Catherine prepared a little party for her at the snack shop. Everyone, including the Shinsengumi trio, was invited to celebrate at Otose's snack shop.

Kondo and Hijikata got ready to go and went to Okita's room to ask if he was joining them. Kondo slid open the door and see Sougo sleeping on the tatami, his back facing them.

"Oi, Sougo. We're heading to Otose's snack shop now. Are you coming?"

No response.

Hijikata, getting irritated, said, "Oi, are you deaf or something? Are you coming or what?"

"Let's just leave him alone, Toshi," Kondo put a hand on Hijikata's shoulder.

"Che. Spoiled brat," and with that, the two slid the door close and left.

* * *

Listening to their footsteps fading down the hall, Okita sat up. He decided he should stop moping around in his room feeling sorry for himself and got dressed. A little bit of fresh air can perhaps clear his mind.

He wasn't down because China forgot about him. Okay, maybe that was part of the reason. But to be honest, he felt guilty that he didn't catch her in time. There was a limit of their little games. He was honestly scared that he would lose her.

He snapped back to reality and realized that he had made his way in front of the Otose's snack shop somehow. Curiously, he peered through the window.

And of course, the obvious thing he saw was Hijikata and Gintoki trying to out-drink each other while Kondo was hitting on Otae who is obviously going to send Kondo flying very soon. Shinpachi was helping Catherine and Otose bring out more drinks and clearing the table. Tama the robot girl was refilling cups with liquor in the form of throwing up. Yamazaki was singing karaoke…

Sougo then spotted Kagura sitting across from Gintoki. She didn't look like she was having fun at all though.

"Ah ah, what am I doing here? God, I'm like a stalker…" Sougo shook his head. As he was about to leave, the door slid open.

Kagura froze. Okita stared at her. Her blue eyes met his brown ones. Then without a word, she walked past him.

"Wait!" he heard his voice called out to her. His body caught up with her in one fluid motion. His hand gripped her wrist.

She stopped in his tracks and turned around. After her momentary surprise, she frowned.

"Let go of me! What do you want from me? From what I heard from Gin-chan, you always picked on me and we always fought. On top of that, you are a sadist! I'm actually kind of glad I don't remember you."

Each of her words stung, more painful than any sword wound.

His eyes flashed for a second in anger. He then let go of her wrist, turned around, and walked away.

Kagura watched his back fade into the night. The night wind chilled her but her wrist where his hand was retained some warmth. A heart-retching sensation began to develop.

She reached into her pocket and took out the red eye mask and stared at it. It was silky and soft. Why did she keep it? She didn't understand her own actions.

Something about that boy drew her to him, like a moth to a flame. Despite what everyone had said, she doesn't think he's half bad.


	4. Encounter

Shinsengumi had gotten quite busy lately as the Jouishishi have started terrorizing several areas of Edo. Sougo barely had time to think about his personal problems.

Kagura had regained her memory. She, however, was intrigued by this side of the sadist that she has never seen before. She liked how he was nice to her, how he wouldn't automatically smack her down onto the ground or tease her. She often hid and watched him fight with the criminals. The orange-haired girl wanted to see for herself how he really was.

* * *

One evening, after Sougo was done rounding up the extremists, he told the First Division of Shinsengumi to head back to headquarters without him. They quickly obeyed and left.

His feet took him to the familiar park bench. Parts of it had been broken on multiple occasions by him and Kagura. There were still marks of their previous battles etched onto the old wood. Tracing a particularly long crack, he smiled a bit. That mark was made when the Yato had thrown him onto the bench. It was the first time she was able to catch up with him.

_Rustle._

Okita's hand immediately reached for his sword.

"Who's there? Show yourself or I'll come cut you down." His eyes narrowed as the shadow came into the open.

To his surprise, it was Kagura that appeared in front of him.

"Ka-...China, what are you doing here?" he asked, wide-eyed.

Kagura wasn't sure how to respond. She wasn't exactly sure what she was doing either. She looked down onto the ground, embarrassed.

Sougo studied her a bit. She wasn't in her usual China outfit but a white spaghetti strap dress. She was wearing slippers and her hair was down.

"_Damn, she actually looks pretty cute if she tried,_" Sougo thought.

Fidgeting under Okita's gaze, Kagura blushed and mumbled, "W-Why are you staring? Is there something on my face?" Her hands instinctively went up to cover her burning cheeks.

Okita closed the distance between them in a swift stride. Then the unthinkable happened. He embraced her.

"W-Wait! What are you do—" Kagura started.

"Shh. Just let me stay like this, Kagura," he whispered into her ear then nuzzled his head in her neck.

"_Kagura? He never calls me by my name,"_ the Yato thought. Something about him calling her by her name made her feel weak in his arms.

Her hands slowly went around his torso. Even through the thick Shinsengumi jacket, she could feel his muscular back. She buried her head in his chest. He was warm and he smelled nice.

They stayed like this for a while until he pulled back. His brown eyes met up with her blue ones and he slowly leaned down. She felt butterflies in her stomach as she smelled his warm breath. It smelled minty. She saw his eyes slowly close and she did the same. Their lips were only a few centimeters apart when suddenly,

"Die Hijikata, Die Mayo-freak, Die you bastard" sounded through Okita's pocket.

Okita straightened up and answered his cell phone.

"Oi, vice-commander. Yes, I am heading back to headquarters now. Meeting? You never told me there was a meeting. Ahhhh, okay, stop nagging me. I'll be right there."

He turned to Kagura, "Looks like we have to save this for another time. Later."

The Yato stood there, still shocked (and a little disappointed she must say). She was about to give her first kiss to the sadist. Oh my god. What is she thinking?

She touched her lips.

"But then again, I wouldn't mind kissing him…" she said quietly and began to head back to the Yorozuya.


	5. Finale

While the scene between her and Okita played in her head, Kagura's feet had taken her back to the Yorozuya.

She slowly slid the door open, and was greeted with a worried and mother-like Shinpachi.

"Mou, Kagura, where have you been? Do you know what time dinner is? It's already 8! Where have you been?"

Kagura ignored the nagging boy and walked past him to her closet.

"Wait. Why are your cheeks flushed? Are you… BLUSHING? DID SOMETHING HAPPEN?"

"Oi, shut up, Megane (glasses)," Kagura mumbled and went inside. The last thing she wanted was Shinpachi and Gin-chan to know what had happened.

The silver-haired samurai was reading Jump on the couch, but intently listening to the conversation.

"Oi Shinpachi, just leave her alone. She is growing up and it's not a surprise that some man is interested in her. Hell, I wouldn't worry since the blood of the strongest race in the universe runs through her veins. If anything, it's the guy who should worry," Gintoki stated matter-of-factly.

"But Gin-san! Kagura-chan is still young! She doesn't know how low men can stoop! We must stop her!"

Gintoki still didn't sway from his viewpoint. "Well, if she gets played by this one, then it will just be a lesson in life. She won't ever learn if she doesn't fall sometimes."

All the while, Kagura sat in her closet listening to the two bicker.

_"…I might be played huh…"_ her eyes casted downwards.

What Gin-chan said made her feel uneasy. It could very much be in the sadist's plan to play her then get a good laugh out of it.

But he didn't seem to be acting on any ill will.

Confused, she hugged her legs tightly to her chest and buried her face in her knees.

"Sougo, please tell me how you really feel…"

* * *

Sougo could barely get any sleep. His heart kept racing as he thought about his encounter with China.

How she smelled, how she looked, how her lips were full and glossy… it drove him crazy. He wanted to ignore the call so he can kiss her. Just one innocent kiss. He wanted to see how Kagura tasted like.

He continued to toss and turn in his futon and decided that a stroll at night will help.

* * *

Kagura couldn't get any sleep. She kept thinking about the boy. The way his brown eyes shone with specks of red dancing in them, the way his hair gently fluttered in the wind, the way he smelled. Just everything about him has made her fall head over heels for the First Division captain.

Sighing at her futile attempt to sleep, she decided that walking Sadaharu will help. However, the gigantic demon dog is fast sleep and wouldn't budge.

* * *

Walking back to the park, Kagura sat on the bench. The night breeze was soothing. The trees rustled in the wind.

She playfully began to kick a bit of sand when suddenly a pair of shoes appeared in front of her.

It was Sougo.

"What are you doing here?" both of them asked at the same time.

There was an awkward pause.

"I couldn't sleep," they replied at the same time.

Okita chuckled a little and sat beside Kagura. There was no exchange of words. Kagura wanted to ask Sougo if he was just playing with her feelings. And if he was, she swore she would kick his balls off.

Sougo noticed the Yato's wrinkled complexion. It was apparent that she was in deep thought. He wondered what she was thinking about.

All curiosity faded away as the wind playfully lifted Kagura's hair, exposing her pale neck. Sougo couldn't help but stare. He placed one of his calloused hands on the side of her neck, feeling its softness. He felt her tense up. She looked at him briefly before looking away, her face obviously flushed.

With his other hand's thumb and index finger, he gently tilted her head in his direction and closed the distance between their lips.

"If only you knew how long I've been wanting to do this," Okita mumbled before their lips touched.

As the rest of the people were asleep in Edo, these two lovers were entangled in a passionate embrace. A sweet innocent kiss, the kiss they both longed for.

**END**


End file.
